Into the Wayside

This is just an update of cell phone pictures I snapped on my HTC before it died while on the Great Ocean Road tour. I would upload my actual pictures but I accidentally packed both my charger and my cable in the suitcase that is now being transported via truck to Brisbane. Which is pretty shitty, since I'm off to Phillip Island on Thursday and I'd like to take some more pictures around Melbourne. Proper wordy update later, too tired now.

I'll post more real pictures on Flickr/on here when I get to Brisvegas though, but for now (click to enlarge):

BELLS BEACH

ON THE ROAD

 This one's a real shitty picture of a house built up on a pole with a connecting bridge to it. Apparently Mel Gibson stayed in it while he was filming Mad Max, but who gives a fuck really?


EASTERN VIEW BEACH

ON THE ROAD...AGAIN.

This dude just climbed down his tree casually about 7 feet off the ground in front of a bunch of tourists - mostly old women and Koreans - to eat some tree leaves. When I spotted him I yelled out "HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT THIS FUCKER COMING DOWN TO EAT!" I was the only one who thought it was funny.

Proof of the old people and the Korean tourists:

Aussie Word of the Day: Two words actually.

1. "Goon Sack": Quite possibly the funniest word I've heard so far, a "goon sack" is the silver bag (there's got to be a better term for that) holding the wine in place inside of a classy box of wine.

2. "Atty": This place has a good "atty", or atmosphere.

We Are The Last of Our Kind

First of all, fuck you James Finlay.
I miss waking up with you in the same room staring creepily at me. That's the only way to start your morning off right.

I have decided (which is an unusual occurrence, since I'm pretty indecisive) that even though I don't have anyone to go with that I will be booking a tour before I leave Melbourne on February 10th to meet Melissa in Sydney that I will be going on a tour of Phillip Island (there's no photography permitted at the penguin parade, what the fuck!) and the Great Ocean Road. The latter being one of the things that I was most excited to see while in Australia, more so than the Great Barrier Reef. Everything in this country is great, apparently.
For the GOR, it's an $80 trip which includes "viewing the Twelve Apostles, Devonsire Tea at Torquay, Spectacular beaches including Apollo Bay, Bells Beach (featured in the movie Point Break), Quaint costal towns of Cape Patton, Anglesea, Lorne and Wye River, National Parks, Loch Ard gorge and London Bridge, and relax on my journey home with a DVD on Coach CAM TV (which is really just a PSP)", and for an additional $10, I can get lunch. OR for an additional $15, I can get all that, plus see koalas face to face, and experience Maits Rest Rainforest, but not on a coach bus and rather on a small little VW van. Definitely going with the second option.
For the Phillip Island tour, it's $85 and I get to experience "Warrock Cattle Farm to see sheep, cattle, Australian birds, and hand-fed kangaroos, enjoy Devonshire Tea, visit the Phillip Island chocolate factory, see the Koala Conservation Centre, Nobbies rock formations in Bass Strait, watch the famous little penguins performing their nightly ritual at Summerland Beach as they march up the sand to their nesting places (hell yes), and stop in the town of Cowes for dinner."

I'm pretty damn stoked on this, but I'm going to need a job desperately when I land in Brisbane.

My weekend was pretty insane, starting on Thursday. Thank you to Will Maxwell for a ridiculous night Saturday night, and I won't go too into detail about it because it's just the most ridiculous night I've definitely had in some time, and definitely since I've been in Melbourne. This Saturday promises to be more of the same, which I'm highly looking forward to. Also looking forward to meeting some new people at the La Dispute show on Thursday, and hanging out with some "old work" friends, booking my flight and hostel accommodation to Sydney and the aforementioned tours!

Thursday night:  I ended up at an indie club/venue type deal called Next, which is on the corner of King and Lonsdale, to hang out with Will since his friends band was playing (Check Your Smile, I believe?) and two other bands. The whole atmosphere was just generally a club like scene but for "indie/hipster/scene" type kids. I believe this is the first time I feel like I more so fit into a club scene, or at least knew and liked most of the music enough to not want to leave.

Friday night: Stayed home and watched a movie, Life During Wartime. I thought it was... pretty meh. Throughout the full film I couldn't get over how much of an annoying cunt the little kid was, how much of a yellow tint everything had, and how much the director Todd Solondz wanted to be like Jean-Pierre Jeunet with this one (director of Delicatessen, Amelie/Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain, Micmacs a la tire-larigort, A Very Long Engagement/Un long dimanche de fiancailles, and The City of Lost Children/La Cite des Enfants Perdus).

Saturday night: I met up with David (future Brisbane roommate) and we went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner, then out to a rooftop bar on Bourke Street when Will called me to head down to Bang, which is very similar to Next. A lot of talking to random people, singing along to Brand New and New Found Glory, and all that. At around 2:30AM we head out to another bar to meet up with Will's friend Rachel, who then leaves almost immediately. While we're trying to decide what to do with our night, and Will refusing to give up without "showing me the full Melbourne experience", he commandeers a homeless guys guitar and plays one of the most ridiculous songs I've ever heard making the guy something like $20 in the span of two minutes. The next few times we walked past the homeless guy, it seemed as though he was too embarrassed to play anything afterward. We some how end up at Bang again and stay there until 4AM when Will and I decide to head back to my place and cook some pasta. As we're hailing a cab, a van/cab full of 5 girls pulls over and tells us we can share their cab with them. Without thinking, we get in and drive off. About 15 minutes into the cab ride, I realize that we're not headed in the direction of Brunswick and say "Hold on, where are you guys going?", with them responding "We're going to Sydneham", which is about an hour and a half or so train ride back to Brunswick. Without skipping a beat, Will says it's alright and we'll crash at his best friend Luke's place. We get there at 5AM, Luke isn't answering his phone, the front door is locked, so we have to climb onto Luke's roof to hop into his backyard, break into his house, only to find that there are no beds free because they had a party. We're sitting in the backyard playing with Luke's 4 dogs, one of which just constantly humped Will's leg (picture below) and at 5:30AM Luke's younger 15 year old brother Kain comes stumbling over the roof the same way we did, drunk as shit. He tells us that he and a bunch of his friends had just kicked the shit out of these two guys because one of which jumped Will a couple of months back and is a kick boxer, about how on his way back home he was approached by some 30 something year old guy in an alleyway asking for Kain's phone and everything else, grabs him by the shirt and throws him against the wall, prompting Kain to pull out one of the beer bottles he has in his pocket and smash it over this guys head. The guy falls to the ground and he just fucking legs it. There's so much more detail to this story, and it was hilarious. I ended up sleeping for about 20 minutes on a couch in Luke's garage before heading home to Brunswick. I have still not yet met Luke, but his brother is rad as shit.

Sunday: After getting home at 10AM and not having slept at all, I slept until 12PM, took a shower and went to the Australia v. England cricket match. Now, never having seen a cricket match, I didn't know much about it. I figured that it was pretty similar to baseball, but a little more exciting. WRONG. It is pretty similar to baseball with a lot of different rules as well, and I can tolerate going to a baseball game to watch the Jays lose, but what I can't tolerate is an EIGHT. HOUR. MATCH. I feel like I've seen more cricket in my lifetime than I have hockey now, shit. The only tolerable thing to me was watching the group of 6 or so guys in front of us get increasingly drunk throughout the night, taunting the English players, cops and security guards with chants and whistles. For some reason security and police confiscated their whistles even though almost half the crowd had whistles, which prompted the Rob Dyrdek look-a-like to yell "YOU CAN TAKE MY WHISTLE! BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE THE AIR FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS, MOTHER FUCKER!" and using his fingers as whistles, hahaha. This got him and another guy he was with kicked out of the game. That didn't last long though. It was maybe half an hour before he snuck back into the stadium wearing different clothes, and with a moustache painted on his face. At around 9PM, he decided it'd be cool to start an ice cube fight with one of his friends, and then to throw ice at the on field security guard who was a total dick about everything. This security guard immediately called the cops, and Rob Dyrdek stealthily walked away. After the cops had left, he returned to his seat, only to find the cops surround him on all sides shortly thereafter. As he sees the cop come down to his right, he walks out to the left, sees a bigger cop and walks back into the seats. This cop tells him to come outside with him, and that he just wants to talk to him, Dyrdek complies and starts to walk toward the cop. As soon as the cop turns to walk, Dyrdek turns around and walks away from the cop. The cop turns around and tries to grab at his arm, but Dyrdek swings his arms away to avoid capture. He then sees this lady cop that everyone had started taking pictures with because of these two 10 year old boys. She's at the very top/back of the seats, and I guess he knows that he's about to get arrested, so he decides that it'd be a good idea to try and run over top of the seats to get to her. So he takes off over the seats, misses one seat, falls on his face, gets up and continues on determined. When he gets to her he gives her a hug, she grabs him and tries to slap cuffs on him as he's then surrounded by a swarm of cops but continues to resist arrest and wrestle with the cops, hahahaha. It took 10 cops to bring him to the ground and subdue a drunk, 5'8" Rob Dyrdek look-a-like. Good dude, backed hard. Great entertainment value. One of his taunts at an English player, Chris Tremlett (6'8") to be specific (pictured below), was "HEY TREMLETT! DO YOU BELIEVE IN AVATARS? BECAUSE IF YOU DO BELIEVE IN AVATARS, THEN YOU IN FACT ARE REAAAAALLLL!" Hahaha.

Oh yeah, Australia ended up winning the match 297-296.

Chris Tremlett, above.

The dog that is infatuated with Will, above.


On an all too personal note, I have yet to clog any Australian toilets. They are my Everest. I will get you, Australian toilet manufacturers, and I will feel accomplished in life. I will feel greater than Deryn.


Aussie Word of the Day: "Abo", meaning drunkard.






Not really. "Abo" is short for aboriginal, that was just a really crude and unnecessary joke.

The Lost City of Atlantis

I have decided to move to Brisbane in February with a Canadian/Japanese guy named David that I met today (rash decisions, fuck yeah) who went to school at Western in London, Ontario, and Swinburn University here in Melbourne for Aviation Management, or something like that. He's moving to Brisbane because he managed to get a job for Virgin Blue. I am moving to Brisbane because why the fuck not, and I also wanted to bring the ocean to my doorstep. He even offered, if he could, to put me on his "buddy list" for cheap flights around Australia, and possibly even back home to Toronto. He gets flights back home to Niagra to visit his mom (his dad lives in Tokyo) for $500. Round trip. RIDICULOUS.

Check out the place we're looking to rent out in Brisbane, it's right by the ocean:

How awesome is that place, right?

This is actually the listing here that we're looking at. David's flying up to Atlantis this weekend to check it out. The place looks really nice, it's an apartment with a HUGE patio/deck/balcony which is awesome.

Side note: It's apparently my subconscious goal to only live with gay men while in Australia. At least I'm not randomly getting invited out to Niagra Falls by 40+ year old gay South African men with high pitched voices anymore. I'm stepping up hard in 2011.

Most definitely not the best time to move to Queensland, especially Brisbane with the flood waters about to break in the Brisbane River. I'm sure things will recede come February though, hopefully. It's been raining quite a bit in Melbourne too, though, so what's a little waist deep brown and sludgy water? Definitely the worst year to come down under. Just my luck. I want a refund, Government of Australia. I was promised sunny beaches and dry conditions unless in the ocean, where the ocean belongs.

At least in Brisbane I'll be able to do this:

"I hate these flood pants. Hey, they're working! My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

My sister's coming out to visit on February 8th, and I'll be meeting her in Sydney and touring around a bit there. Possibly meet up with Joanna and her boyfriend and see Terrigal and possibly Byron Bay like I previously stated, though she (Joanna) is still unaware of these facts. Hahaha. Maybe also hit up the Gold and Sunshine Coasts as well.

I'm going to have to buy an underwater camera...

Aussie Word of the Day: BrisVegas. This isn't really a ... word, but everyone seems to call Brisbane "BrisVegas" because it's just as dirty as Las Vegas. Stoked...? It's more like BrisVenice now though, am I right? lolololol

Messes of Men

Looking for a new apartment and for a new job is driving me insane. Probably more so because of the fact that I'm so very unsure of whether or not I want to actually stay in Melbourne where I've met some good and interesting people, and just travel for a week at a time up the East Coast, or if I want to live in a city that isn't like a miniature and "empty" Toronto.

I feel like once Melissa gets here, things will slowly and haphazardly come together. I proposed that she fly into Melbourne, stay here for a week or so, catch a cheap flight to Sydney where we will more than likely meet up with Joanna and her friends. Tour around Sydney for a few days, see Bondi Beach, and retreat back to Joanna's place in Terrigal, NSW before heading upward to Byron Bay. Possibly the Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast (namely Maroochydore - hopefully I get the radio journalist job here) as well. We'll see how it goes, I suppose.

This is pretty contradictory to how this post opened, but I actually went to look at a place today in Coburg which is only about 5 or so tram stops north of where I'm currently staying in Brunswick. I'll post pictures of my potential new place below. The guy who's place it is, Drew, seems like a nice enough guy which is good.  He's a lawyer and drives a really nice Benz, but without a current job. He's got a couchsurfer there named Lucas from Germany who also seemed very nice, and they seemed to be like good friends even  if Lucas isn't staying about for very long. There are currently 6 people in total living at this place, but I believe 3 of them are leaving this coming week. I seriously have no problems with living with 6 people though, it just means that there's the chance to meet more people.
Dishwasher, dryer, washing machine, broadband internet, my own TV and there's a bar fridge near the bedroom. Bills are $15 per week, and rent is $205 per week which isn't that different from what I'm paying now - which is $210/week. But to be honest, I'd much rather pay far less than that since I don't know how long I can keep that up without a decent job.

Drew did text me soon after meeting telling me that he would like to have me move in, and even though it wouldn't be until February 14th that it's better to wait for a decent roommate rather than someone below decent who's available right now, which is good. We'll keep in contact, and I'll hopefully make up my fucking mind. He also seems to go on a lot of trips and hang out with his housemates, which is awesome. Here are the pictures of my potential place:

There's like a 40" flatscreen there now instead of that like 2" TV.

No Aussie Word of the Day today. Sorreh, next time! But I did include a really nice poem/lyric - at least I think so - in the post below. Enjoy that.

"Annabel Lee" - Edgar Allan Poe

Out where the stones lay like bones by the ocean,

Out where the waves crash contempt on the land,

Someone was trembling for fear of the tempest.

Somebody silently reached for their hand.

Said, "Understand that if you're cold I'll keep you warm,

And besides, there's so much beauty in a storm.

So come down with me to the shore.

And what's more, I adore you.

So tell me, what is there to fear?

You think some seraph up above is trying to rob us of our love, because the sky's not clear?

My dear, you know there's not,

Now listen to the rain upon the rooftop."

But the wind picked up...

Out where the stones stand up like thrones beside the ocean,

Out where the waves make a grave of the sea,

The lovers struggled in the middle of the tempest,

And water angrily crawled up onto the beach.

Said, "Hold my hand, and stay with me.

We'll be released."

But the tide clung like an anchor to her feet,

And though he tried to make the water recede,

It pulled her out into the sea.

He could not break apart the waves to bring her safely back in.

He watched her hand break through the surface once, then disappear again.

"Forever wait inside the sea for me, my dear. 

I hear you.

You speak in every curling wave, and sing in every violent breeze.

Someday not far away from here, my dear, I swear I'll see you, 

And we will hear the seraphs cry, for they will still envy you and I.

How they envied you and I.

How they envied you and I.

How they envied you and I."

- Fall Down, Never Get Back Up Again

Death Ray

I got fired! Or I quit, I'm not really sure which one it was. I'll say it was pretty mutual though, because I left the company on good terms. Everyone there was amazing. I seriously love them all, and I'm glad that I met all of them even if it was for a brief period of time. I would seriously love to keep in touch with all of them and hopefully still be able to see them while I'm in Melbourne. Here's the story:

So Tuesday I got no one to sign up, but I was close on 5 separate occasions - not that that really matters - and also ruined someone's wet cement on their doorstep with my shoe print. I got called into the office along with five other people who also didn't make any sales that day, where we were all berated by Ben (owner) and essentially all terminated unless we wrote a letter explaining why we should be there and that we should basically sell him on it otherwise we shouldn't bother coming back. Sink or swim situation, obviously, and I seriously don't blame him for getting upset with us the way he did, he had every right to. It wasn't really that he was angry, but that he was trying to motivate us. So anyways, I didn't bother writing a letter and handed my badge to Mat while standing on the street corner waiting for the tram since I was going to give it until Friday anyways - that being made pointless at this point. It definitely wasn't a job or career for me, but I did gain and learn (cheesy) a lot in the short time I was there. I love the charity and again, absolutely love the people I met, but it did become more of a social reason more than anything else. I didn't really care about getting paid, as long as I made friends, which was kind of weird. I went in today for an exit interview, and did Ben the courtesy of speaking to him face to face explaining why I left and thanking him for the opportunity and all that shit. He said we'll keep in touch, and that if I need a reference he would give me a good one, which is great!

I do however feel like I wasted more money than I made in the three weeks I was with the company, though. I would, however, recommend doing what I did because you seriously do gain a lot of positives from the job, whether its personal, monetary (not in my case, haha), or on a deeper level still.

Not much is new in the way of Melbourne living aside from the above though. I'm still trying to decide if I want to stay in Melbourne for a little while longer, or if I should move on to Byron Bay, Bondi, Maroochydore, Gold/Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Cairns or Port Douglas. I want to see all of those places for sure (including Sydney), but I just don't want to have to start over again in terms of finding friends and settling in. The downsides of travel. I need to decide soon because I'm out of the place I'm staying in on February 14th. 

I also need a haircut, but I'm kind of weary of going to the old Greek dude on the corner of Sydney Rd. & Hope St. His business looks pretty dead a lot of the time, and I've only ever seen one person in it getting cut. I feel like he may fuck up hard, and shave half my head or something by mistake. $10 haircuts though seem tempting. Or I could ask Renee (girl from ex-work) to cut it for me for free. Hmm...

I got Christmas cards from my parents/sister this past week, and from my cousins in Mexico this past week. Very much appreciated. I also got a package from someone that contained a rad AS Roma t-shirt, jellybeans (I somehow can't find any in Australia), and cookies from Second Cup, hahahaha. That was rad, thank you. As for the rest of you, what the fuck? Step your game up, I haven't received anything. I'm not writing this blog for free hahaha. Nah, don't send anything. 

I also cannot believe that Team Canada was beating Russia by a score of 3-0 in the gold medal match at the World Junior Hockey Championships, and then in the 3rd period managed to lose 5-3. 3 goals in under five minutes (4:56) with two of those goals coming 11 seconds apart. Huge fucking meltdown.
Disappointing. If only Jordan Eberle was still of age...

Side note: I have edited the comments so that now anyone can comment. Not that anyone reads, but whatever. I do apparently have people reading from Russia, for some reason?

I keep listening to Crystal Castles, so here's "Doe Deer"

Aussie Word Of The Day: "Dollarydoo" is the term Australians use for money. "How many dollarydoo's do ya blokes got?" Not really, I just can't think of a word I've heard recently that has made me question what it was. Instead, I found this term online: "Liquid Laugh", which apparently means to vomit. What a cute spin on that.

Dusky morning, I awoke...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's 11am EST, so you've still got just over 12 hours as I write this at 3am AEST.

I think today is the hottest day I have ever experienced. Ever. Because not only was it 42 degrees, but there were the hottest and driest winds blowing through all day that just made it so much more unbearably hot.

My Christmas was pretty...interesting to say the least. Nothing really happened. I sat in my room and relaxed by watching movies and the Simpsons all day. Randy sat in his room and watched movies all day. Barely a word was spoken between us, but whatever it's all good. I got a Christmas card from my family, and blew about $350 on clothing (including a new belt and wallet since Australian coins are too thick and are ruining my current one) and other things for myself. Greedy as shit, no fucks given.

Boxing Day I went out to my Chilean friend, Francisco, from works birthday down by the Royal Botanical Gardens for a small BBQ which was really nice. Hung out with him, his friends and his girlfriend, her family, and then a few people from work. Had some food, shared some laughs. It was a good time.

At around 7 I headed into the city to watch a movie by myself, which was a really, really odd feeling. I mean, I do it all the time at home, but to go out to a theatre to watch something was just so much different which is pretty stupid because what's the point in watching a movie with someone else? You don't interact during the movie or anything. I guess it's just a comfort thing, to not feel lonely. Feeling uncomfortable or weird or whatever didn't matter to me at all though because I was on a fucking mission to watch Blue Valentine, and holy shit was it ever good. The walk from the theatre back to the tram stop after the movie though was single handedly the most depressing moments of my life, seeing all these happy people and couples enjoying the night together. Great movie though, go watch it. Avoid it if you're feeling lonely, or if you're on the brink of suicide, hah.

Today, for New Years, I didn't have any sort of solid plan. What I was originally going to do was head down to either a backpackers bar on Elizabeth Street - I believe it's called Bar Open, which is always filled with tourists (I'd assume) at all hours of the day - or down to Federation Square for a live reggae concert type thing, and then to watch fireworks from the rooftops. I'm sure I would have met some rad people at either one of those places, some long term and short term friends I'm sure. I didn't end up doing either of those things, and instead ended up going out to Sunshine/Deer Park where I was invited out to Nelson's girlfriend's (Dianne) place for a party/BBQ, and from there we went out to her friend Ashley's place for a party. There weren't many people there, but they all seemed really, really nice, and enjoyed my "accent" which was cool. I met a guy named Will who seems to be into relatively the same music as me, so I'm pretty sure I found myself an Aussie show buddy which is awesome, since I don't know anyone who likes anything I like in terms of music. His brother sings in a pop punk band, the name of which escapes me, but reminds me a lot of New Found Glory. The party was kind of short lived for Nelson, Dianne, and I after a glow stick accident that shot fluid into Dianne's eye and apparently, you're not supposed to get that in your eye. Who knew?

At the train station while waiting for my train back into the city, this drunk New Zealander (I'm assuming he was both drunk and from NZ because he kept saying he was from NZ) was cursing out this group of black kids who couldn't have been over 20 years old on the opposite platform for essentially being black.  This was my first experience with Aussie racism. He kept calling them the n-word and that he'd "fucking kill all you cunts" and "I'll eat you cunts for breakfast, you fucks" and "go back to your country, this is my fucking property. This is my fucking country, get the fuck out of it. Show some respect you n*****'s" and "I'm going to rape all your fucking bitches", etc. The group of kids actually surprised me because instead of getting offended by what this batshit insane dude was saying, they brushed it off and kept wishing him a happy new year, and apologized for getting him so upset (over nothing), and just generally being very polite to that asshole.


Aussie Word of the Day: "Slab". A slab is a box of 24 bottles/cans of beer. Also, on things like chocolate ice cream bars, or on chocolate milk for example, instead of saying "Creamy Chocolate Milk" or "White Chocolate Ice Cream" it'll say "Creamy Choc Milk"or "White Choc Ice Cream". Short-forming everything, hahaha.